There truly is no way to prepare yourself for having kids.
Before giving birth to my daughter, Audrey, I made a valiant attempt to prepare for the unpreparable (which, honestly, would make an excellent parenting book title). I bought books on child development, feeding, sleeping—you name it. As the daughter of a communication specialist, I assumed I probably didn’t need the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk.
I was very wrong.
When Audrey was two months old, she woke up from a nap while we were driving. In the car seat mirror, I watched her slowly realize she was stuck in her seat without her binky, comfort lovey, or mommy within reach. Her face scrunched up, and soon the tears and wailing began.
Most moms learn to recognize their baby’s different cries: hungry, tired, frustrated, or truly distressed. I could tell this wasn’t a cry of real trauma, but hearing her cry was still hard. Without thinking, I started singing, “Don’t cry, you’re okay!”
But was I saying that for Audrey—or for myself?
Why was that the first thing that came out of my mouth?
Think about the last time you cried. Imagine someone saying, “Don’t cry, you’re okay.” It’s probably the last thing you would have wanted to hear.
So I stopped myself, took a deep breath, and tried again.
“I hear you, baby. You sound so upset. I’m imagining you’re hungry or uncomfortable.”
“You want to be home. I want to be home too.”
“We’re almost there.”
Audrey reminds me that compassion starts at home—even in the car. I needed to soothe my own distress before I could truly be present for hers. Once I did that, I had the emotional bandwidth to comfort her with genuine empathy. Soon, we were both calmer and more relaxed.
I look forward to the day when I can share the Kids GROK cards with my daughter. In the meantime, I use the GROK cards myself—as a tool for reflection, meditation, and self-empathy in what is sometimes the most difficult, yet most rewarding, job on the planet.
Claire Schwartz, mother of Audrey and Christine’s daughter, is the new VP of Everything—social media, website management, customer relations, shipping, collaborator liaison, and clerk of the works.