How to Become More Empathetic

Seven simple practices for everyday connection

You can begin practicing empathy in your next conversation. Pause, listen with curiosity, and check whether you understand what the other person is experiencing. You do not need perfect words. You need a willingness to let their answer change your understanding.

Perhaps someone you love has said, “You’re not listening.” Perhaps you want to respond more thoughtfully to your children, a partner, or a colleague. This article offers small practices you can use on your own or with someone who is willing to join you.

What empathy means in everyday life

Empathy is an effort to understand another person’s experience while remembering that they know their own life better than you do. It can look like quiet attention, a thoughtful question, or reflecting back what you heard.

These practices draw on Nonviolent Communication, or NVC, developed by Marshall Rosenberg. NVC invites us to attend to feelings and underlying needs, including belonging, choice, rest, and understanding. These give us a way to explore what matters beneath someone’s words.

1. Pause before you respond
Think of a recent conversation in which you quickly defended yourself, offered advice, or changed the subject. What might you notice if you gave yourself a moment before speaking?
Try this: Let your next breath be a reminder to pause. Notice any tension or urge to interrupt. Ask yourself, “Am I ready to hear this person, or do I need a little time?”
If you need time, you might say, “I want to give this my attention. Could we talk after I’ve had time to settle?” Agree on when you will return to the conversation.
Start with an ordinary moment—a changed plan, a small disappointment, or a busy day. It is easier to explore a new skill when the stakes are manageable and nervous systems stable. 

2. Listen before offering solutions
Invite someone to talk for two minutes about a manageable frustration. Ask whether they would like you to simply listen. Put away distractions and give them room to finish; eye contact is optional.
Notice how often your mind prepares advice, a similar story, questions, or a rebuttal. You can let those thoughts pass and return your attention to the speaker.
When they finish, try: “Let me see if I understood. You had planned a weekend away with your partner, and when the plans changed, you felt disappointed. Is that right?”
If they correct you, thank them and listen again. Before moving toward solutions, ask, “Would you like more listening, or would ideas be helpful?” Advice may be welcome once you know it is wanted.

3.  Put words to feelings and needs
Recall one small event from your day. Describe what factually happened without assigning a motive. “My friend canceled our lunch” gives you a clearer starting point than “My friend doesn’t care about me.”
Then ask yourself: What did I feel? What mattered to me? You might notice disappointment because you were looking forward to companionship, or relief because you needed rest. More than one feeling can be present.
Try completing this sentence: “When _____ happened, I felt _____ (feeling) because _____  (need) mattered to me.”
Possible feeling words include happy, worried, lonely, relieved, frustrated, and curious. Possible needs include connection, clarity, respect, play, support, and rest. Choose words that fit your experience.

Get a free Feelings/Needs/Body Sensations List

If “I feel ignored” comes to mind, gently explore further: “Am I hurt or lonely? Am I wanting attention or inclusion?” You are giving yourself more information, not correcting yourself for having the wrong words.
With cards: Choose one Feelings card and one Needs card that fit your day. Say a sentence about each, or reflect silently. Seeing words in front of you can offer a place to begin.
Explore GROK Empathy Games, a fun and playful way to teach and learn empathy. 

4.  Make a gentle empathy guess
An empathy guess is a question about someone’s experience. Offer it lightly and make room for a different answer.
Imagine a friend says, “Everyone changed the plan without asking me.” You might respond, “Are you frustrated because you wanted a say in the decision?”
Your friend may answer, “Actually, I’m anxious because now I don’t know how I’ll get home.” Follow their answer: “Ah, you’re worried about getting home. Tell me more.”
Try this with a willing partner: One person describes a small frustration. The listener offers one guess about a feeling or what mattered. The speaker can confirm, change, or decline the guess. Then switch roles.
Use your own natural language. “Was the hardest part feeling left out?” may fit better than a formal sentence. One sincere question is often enough; leave room for silence.
Make time to notice what is happening in you.

5.  Include yourself in the circle of care
When you are tired or upset, begin by noticing what is happening in you. You might say to yourself, “I’m overwhelmed. I need a pause and some support.”
Try this: Remember a conversation you wish had gone differently. Name what you felt and what mattered to you. Then choose one thing you would like to try next time.
You can also repair a missed moment: “I jumped into advice earlier. I’d like to hear what that was really like for you. Do you want to tell me more?”
Understanding someone’s feelings does not require agreeing with every action or saying yes to every request. You can acknowledge disappointment while keeping a boundary: “I hear that you wanted more time together. I’m going to rest now. Could we talk tomorrow?”

Keep a feelings check-in simple, playful, and voluntary.

 6.  Make room for empathy through play
Invite a friend, family member, or small group to a brief check-in. Each person chooses a feeling word and, if they wish, a need that goes with it. They can write the words on paper or choose cards.
Take turns sharing a small moment from the day. The listener reflects one thing they heard and asks, “Did I understand?” Each speaker can correct the reflection. Anyone may pass, and no one has to disclose something private.
With children, keep it simple. You might ask how a storybook character could feel and what might help. Accept several possibilities. When a child speaks about their own feelings, let their answer guide you.

Explore Kids GROK, 29 Feelings and 29 Needs cards using illustrations of bears

7.  Play GROK Online
Bring these practices to life with GROK Online, a virtual Feelings and Needs card game you can explore on your own or with a partner.
Try this: Think of a situation that is on your mind. Explore the Feelings cards and move the ones that fit to the table. Then choose Needs cards that reflect what matters to you. Pause with your selections and notice what becomes clearer.
With a partner, take turns speaking and listening. Offer gentle guesses about feelings and needs, and let the speaker choose what fits. You can sit at the same computer or connect through screen sharing.
Use a computer for this activity; GROK Online is not designed for phones or tablets. The instructions on the game page will help you get started.
Play GROK Online, a free game to get an idea how GROK Empathy Games can work virtually

A week of small practices
Day 1: Pause before responding in one conversation.
Day 2: Listen for two minutes without interrupting.
Day 3: Name a feeling and a need from your own day.
Day 4: Offer one gentle empathy guess and welcome correction.
Day 5: Ask whether someone wants listening or ideas.
Day 6: Try a playful feelings and needs check-in.
Day 7: Reflect on what you noticed and choose a practice to repeat.

Common questions about practicing empathy

What if I guess wrong
A correction helps you understand. You can say, “Thank you for telling me. What was it like for you?” You do not have to defend your first guess.

Do I need cards to practice ?
You can use every exercise here without buying anything. Cards offer words and a shared focus when it is hard to know where to begin.

How will I know whether I am making progress?
Notice whether you interrupt less, ask more open questions, or accept corrections more easily. Ask a trusted person, “What helps you feel heard by me?” Use their answer to guide your next practice.

Choose a tool for your next step

At GROKtheWorld, we create games and materials for practicing empathy and compassionate communication. GROK Empathy Games was first developed in 2006. Our tools bring feelings and needs into conversations through play, reflection, and shared practice.

Start with a free activity

Our free GROK Starter Kit includes printable Feelings and Needs cards and games. Try a check-in with someone you care about, or choose words for your own day. An email address is required to download the kit.

Download the free GROK Starter Kit

Explore tools for different settings
GROK Empathy Games offers Feelings and Needs cards with ways to practice alone, with another person, or in a group. Kids GROK offers conversation cards for exploring feelings and needs with children. WeGROK for Two provides a structure for two people working through a disagreement.
For educators, Classroom Connections offers NVC-based lessons for PreK through eighth grade. For trainers and facilitators, GROKit! offers games and exercises for teaching compassionate communication.

Explore GROK empathy tools

Explore resources for educators

For today, choose one conversation in which you can make a little more room to listen. Ask, “What would you like me to understand?” Then give the answer your attention.

Learn more about Nonviolent Communication
The Center for Nonviolent Communication explains the purpose of NVC