My neighbor Sharon has words to say about our other neighbors, especially Marco. She says he’s rude, he doesn’t speak to her when she says hello, and she considers him generally disrespectful.
Now I’ve crossed paths with Marco on our communal sidewalk. I’ll offer a greeting and he usually returns a smile.
The mystery unraveled one day when I invited Marco’s wife over for tea and empathy. “Marco is practically deaf, he barely hears a thing I say” she confided. Bingo.
Ever judged someone only later to discover you were completely mistaken? I know I’m guilty.
Enter Nonviolent Communication’s superpower—Observations. It's not just a brilliant lens to view the world through; it removes the barriers of judgment, hierarchy, and the division we create when we judge others. For me, it was a life changer.
That’s why I believe the process of Observation to be the spirituality behind NVC and here’s why.
Imagine you're waiting for a friend for a noon lunch. It's 12:45, and they're still a no-show. Or perhaps you sent an urgent email to your boss and received nothing but silence despite reminders. Maybe you sent off a pricey wedding gift to a relative and got no response.
Do you unleash fury or ignite curiosity?
What if your friend forgot their cell phone and couldn't inform you of a blocked road? What if you mistyped your boss’s email address? What if the package never arrived?
Remember the golden rule about assumptions? Yeah, it's the one that turns 'assume' into making "an ass out of u and me."
That's where turning ‘furious into curious’ comes in – the transformative power of observation.
"It's 12:45, and my friend has not arrived."
"I emailed my boss several times and did not receive an answer."
"I sent a gift and did not hear from my friend."
Observation is the barebones truth, no judgment, no assumptions. It's a ticket out of the blame game, saving heaps of annoyance, embarrassment, and sparing the nervous system from a rollercoaster ride. It encourages self-reflection, owning up to our part, and staying connected to others.
At a deeper level, observing our own thoughts can be a direct path to self-compassion. When we step back and observe our thinking, we realize it’s only a thought, not a truth. We can choose to believe it or let it go. Self-judgements can slip away when we observe them without believing them so self-love and forgiveness can take their place.
In observation lies honesty, freedom, open-heartedness, and empathy for self and others. After all, who's to say if someone's rude or just hard of hearing?
