My sweetie and I just got back from a gorgeous Hawaiian vacation. Toddler in tow, our goal was to keep everything workable and simple on this trip. Eat, sleep, beach, repeat…
But vacations can do it to any relationship and, before long, we got snagged up in an argument. About what? (cue ominous music) The Schedule.
He wanted lazy mornings. I wanted to get out and have some fun before Charlie’s midday nap. Even talking about it was frustrating because I didn’t want to take the time.
Thankfully, it didn’t spiral out. Once we saw our connection getting frayed, we pushed “pause” on things and slowed the conversation way down. It took me a few breaths to get there, but I managed.
The importance of “PAUSE” is something I’ve spent years learning. Still, it’s one thing to KNOW and another thing to REMEMBER to apply it en vivo.
I got curious about my partner’s quiet, “non-responses.” We decided, explicitly, we’d prefer to have one longer conversation, rather than lots of little moments of tension. And so we spent the time figuring out how to handle the dilemma. Together.
We leaned on some of the same elements you learn to apply in our WeGROK set such as:
- Reflective dialoguing
- Asking for a pause
- Naming your intention before speaking
- Knowing when to offer appreciations
These are some of the skills - beyond naming feelings and needs - required for moving through varying levels of conflict.
How did we save our trip? We got all the needs on the table, then mapped out a morning routine that front loaded a sunrise walk for me. I got the movement I needed. And my honey got his R&R.
Which of the above communication skills do YOU want to focus on the next time you’re in the thick of it?
Warmly,
:) Mary
PS - Hope you’ll check out WeGROK for Two (on sale during the month of February) if you and your honey need the help. It’s a lot more affordable than a therapy session. And the skills last!
